Good Bye 2009- Welcome New New Decade of Hope
First decade of the new mellinium has gone by. It's farewell for me was significant, maddening, saddenning but beautiful like the following rememberances from a Verginia Woolf Quote:
"I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.
Virginia Woolf "
The new mellinium had started for me in a devastating and debilitating manner thousands of miles away from India. In was in year 2000, when I was stuck by "Madness" in full bloom outof no where. Thereafter, it has been an intense and often losing but dogged battle with "Madness and Sadness" with diurnal abrupt variation of moods of my daily and seaonally affective disorder-Manic Depressive Insanity . In recent years, the winter has meant horrifying Depression and summer often brought unknown pleasures, extraordinary abilities and unrealistic exuberance of Mania- it also gave eminently forgettable periods of complete psychotic breakdowns.
The decade tested my "rainbow coalition" of family, friends and wellwishers to extreme. It was resolute doggeedness of my wife annd kids which has seen me survive the daily and seasonal battles and few close calls of deadend- The Death from Self Inflicted Injury.
Circa 2009 began एंड ended in contrast- at the beginning of the year, like global economy, my mind and life was in debilitating Depression - a carry forward from last three months of 2008. My extreme sorrow went away very painfully and excruciatingly slowly with the help of my psychiatrist, care of my wife and kids and very strong support from my employers, colleagues, friends, subordinates and clients. Yet, final lifting of mood was like magic and it came while listening live to Anouska Shankar live in a South Delhi Mall open space. Music has always helped me fight the "Black Dog"
Decade and the year which just got over, instilled a new purpose to my life, profession and turned out to be defining one, as it provided me with the "New New Calling in Life".
I had many failures and missed targets during the year, none of them more important than non-completion of the book "Of Madness and Sadness: Life and Times of an Ordinary Indian". The book is a clarion call of my life and it was scheduled to be published in 2009. It has been a conscious decision to go slow- to save me from burnout and to make it more meaningful. It is one of my ways of fighting the 100 Year War against Stigma and Lack of Awareness in India against mental and brain disorders of all types.
Given the fact that Valproate my first line medication, controls me from above, leaving me to perform at sub-normal and sub-optimal level (against my old untreated exuberant self), with all humility I did have few satisfactions in both personal and professional life during the year. I definitely grew as a knowledge worker, as a knowledge sharing teacher, as a very hestitant member of the commentrariat and lastly I took baby steps in my foray of "Working as a Life Coach". I also took conviction and fight for resoration of values and ethics in a disrupted nation to the next level- learning to differentiate between right and more right.
On 5th November, 2009 my life was turned upside down when the trailler on my fights with Manic Depressive Disorder was croniclled by Mint (A Hindustant Times- Wall Street Journal Business Daily in India) as a front page story. Its effect has been electrifying- at personal level it has further strengthened my "rainbow coallition" and at a humane level, it has given me the New New Calling for balance period of my life. I have rededicated my life in the New New decade to making difference to those suffering from mental disorders in India.
A humble beginning has been made by reactivating my blogsite (akhileshwarsahay.blogpost.com), which I have primarily devoted to topical issues pertaining to mental illnesses in general and Manic Depressive Disorder (Bipolar Disorder) in particular But the more significant activities lined up for 2010 are two fold:
One, completion of my Memoirs of Madness and Sadness during the first year of the decade. The sole purpose of the book is to desimminate the hope in a hopeless situation. I also believe that it will help other sufferers in coming out with their own sufferings and coping strategies.Even a mentally ill can live a productive life and the cost of inaction is very heavy.
Two, In December some leading minds joined me when I conceived the idea of Whole Mind India Foundations (WMIF) as its Instigator. The year will see getting it formalised. The process of registration as a Society and development of its website (http://www.wholemindindia.org/) is a work in proress. The organization is being set up with a big hairy audacious goal (BHAG)- to become national aggregator of all the efforts of improvement in the lot of those suffering from mental disorders. In the first month it has a aim of having 50 members and 1000 Friends. It is going to work in the areas of education, destigmatisation, awareness generation, policy change advocacy, working with and recognising the effort of front line NGOS in the field.
The responsibilities assumed are onerous but the battle has begun. I might be one of the early bird fighters but I have this humbling realisation- I canot win the war. It needs all of you and millions more. Urge you to rise for the cause- some where some one whom you know needs your support. After all, 120 million Indians suffer from one or other mental disorder today and at least one in four will be afflicted by the same at least once in their life time
Saturday, January 2, 2010
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